During his commentary of Super Bowl XLI, Phil Simms made several references to Colts' coach Tony Dungy and his very calm style of coaching.
"Coach Dungy is such a contrast from so many others, coaches who try to lead with fear, making themselves the common enemy of the players." Simms said once. At another time, Simms imitated Dungy's annual pre-season preamble to his players. In a relatively soft, yet strong voice, Dungy always starts the year off with: "Men, I want you to listen to me very carefully, because this is as loud as I will speak at any time throughout the year..." After completing the imitation, Simms concluded by stating that there is no coach in the NFL who garners more respect and love and admiration from his players than Coach Tony Dungy.
Turns out, he can win as well.
Congratulations to Tony Dungy and the Colts. I'm especially excited about their victory because it represents a victory of sorts for the ScreamFree way of leadership. Too often, parents rely on fear and intimidation-based efforts to control their kids, not realizing how such efforts actually compromise their intended goals. And the reasons we rely on those efforts are far from pure: 1) we are largely unaware of our own emotional reactivity; and 2) it's easier in the short term to just yell our kids into obedience.
Coaches who constantly rant and rave sometimes do get results. Bill Parcells has won two Super Bowls. Bobby Knight has won three NCAA championships. Jon Gruden even won a SuperBowl in Tampa the year after Dungy was fired there. Yes, they can get results. But what Coach Dungy realizes is that people cannot be motivated in a way that leaves them even and ever more dependent on someone besides themselves. They will only perform as long as they are scared of the leader. And the leader is the one who suffers. What they do not get is any sort of peace during the process. These are the coaches who boast about sleeping in the office througout the season, who sometimes repeatedly retire in order to gain some sanity (in the case of Parcells). Peter King noted in his article on SI.com that Dungy, in contrast, spent significant time during Super Bowl week with his family:
"There is no better lesson in the sport of coaching-office-couch-sleepers than for Dungy to win a Super Bowl with a brilliant defensive gameplan while spending time with his family Thursday night, Friday afternoon and night, and Saturday afternoon."
One of the greatest benefits of coaching, or parenting, in a non-reactive ("screamfree") way is that the leader does not have to sacrifice self or family in order to lead effectively.
Hello ,your book had a huge on me.I just started 3 days ago to listen to it in my car and already I am applying it .I feel peaceful and for the first time I felt I am an adult and not a child ! I felt I am a mother ! Thank you .
I do have some questions .How can I contact you ?
Please let me know as soon as you get the chance .
Thanks ,Leyla
Posted by: Leyla Malekyazdi | March 07, 2008 at 03:48 AM